 "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." -Romans 12:2 (NKJV) |
my story, His doing I was raised attending church as a child and knew some basic Bible stories, but this grew into a rather self righteous attitude in my late teens, when I was actually in full rebellion. I dabbled with some new age and occult beliefs, among many other things. In high school, I developed an unhealthy interest in the topic of death. College assisted in my indoctrination of all things Eastern and philosophical. My belief system was constantly changing, and I was frequently depressed. Issues of lust gradually became routine. I was anti-organized religion, feminist, foul mouthed—and that's just the summary. But one morning in 1997 I woke up and decided to "pray." I don't know why. I'd gone from agnostic to all kinds of other things. But on this day, talking to God seemed good. I don't recall exactly what was on my mind, but I do remember my thoughts interrupted with words to the effect of, "Clean yourself up, then we'll talk." As strange as this was, I actually started thinking up my standard excuses and questioning what I was possibly doing wrong, but heard, "You know what to do." Then nothing. Not just a silence-variety nothing. I mean nothing at all. No sense of the presence of God. Just complete isolation. And panic. I was terrified. I suppose in all that time of wandering I had some sense of the Lord's presence in the back of my mind. But this was a (thankfully) brief taste of hell, showing the destructive distance my sin (living just for me and not God) created between God and me. I remember going through that day in a daze, crying at first, then just wide-eyed and fearful. The rest is kind of a blur, but in days to come I began to get rid of stuff I was reading, watching, doing, listening to—even thinking—which God's Word, The Bible, says had no place in my life. This wasn't about mere behavior change or working my way to God. It was about repentance (a change of mind, turning from sin and to Him), obedience, being set apart for the Lord and protected by Him. And it wasn't even about giving up things I loved. I soon began to notice that many things which used to intrigue me I suddenly stopped enjoying. Trust me, I would never have done this in my own power. But He was right, now I did know what to do. His Law was written on my heart, but I was blind to it in my sin until He opened my eyes. I once thought I "gave my heart to Christ" as a child. Later in life, I thought I was "okay" simply because there were certain bad things I didn't do. But I truly believed in Christ as Lord and Savior shortly after this experience. I began to understand things I'd heard about and even studied—that Jesus more than answered all those empty desires and philosophies, and that His sacrifice on the cross is what saved me from an eternity of separation from Him. I'll spend eternity in the joy of His presence instead. No, life isn't without it's trials now. And I certainly can't make up for what I've done. Thanks to Jesus I don't have to try. But I do praise Him for His mercy and want to give Him the glory now, in part by telling you who He is and what He's done. Mine might be considered an unusual story by some. I never had such an experience before or since. But I'm nothing amazing, and I'm far from perfect. The changes in my life came by the grace and mercy of God alone. I pray you and your loved ones also experience the joy of this saving grace, which comes only through the Lord Jesus Christ. For more insight, please visit the cultured post. |